If the worst thing that ever happens to me is signing autographs and having to take pictures with people, then I'll have had a fortunate life. Alexi Lalas Living in Lalas Land If Soccer Scores in America, Alexi Lalas Made the Assist Story by Jeff Zillgitt The philosopher king of American soccer sits on a bench on a blistering hot, humid afternoon in Washington D.C.'s RFK Stadium. An unpleasant D.